Showing posts with label Robert Gaston. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Robert Gaston. Show all posts

Monday, 6 August 2018

Talent is overrated – Grit is the true differentiator

Amy is a millennial real estate agent living and working in New York City. As a result of the substantial competition for real estate properties in the area, Amy has been struggling to acquire clients. Throughout her life, she’s relied on her tenacity and fire to get her through difficult situations. Although most subjects didn’t come easy to her in school, she worked hard and fought through adversity to achieve her goal of graduating from college. However, now she’s faced with a unique challenge and feels as though she’s completely outmatched.

She’s met many of her competitors and she feels that they are smarter and more competent than her. She’s created an inner monologue about how she’s not good enough to compete with her competitors and it’s seriously affecting her performance as a real estate agent. What can Amy do to improve her outlook and begin working towards building her business so that she can achieve her financial goals? In this article, we’ll go over a few strategies:

The difference between “Talent” and “Grit”

We live in a society where talent is praised above all else. We look on in awe as we hear stories about prodigious musicians who learned to play the violin at age 4 or the coding geniuses that start the next big social media company. Although there are people out there who fit this bill, talent is not the only part of the success equation. In the book “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance” by Angela Duckworth, Professor Duckworth explores how “Grit” may be the key to unlocking your full potential.  You may be asking, what is “Grit”?

Grit is passion and perseverance towards a set of long-term goals. Grit is having the stamina and approaching each challenge as a marathon, not a sprint. It’s consistently sticking with one idea, one goal or one objective for years. She contends that putting a substantial amount of effort into acquiring skills and then those applying those skills to achieve your goals is the formula for achieving lasting success in any industry. Below I’ve provided each formula discussed in the book:

Talent x Effort = Skill
Skill x Effort = Achievement

When someone starts out learning anything, they need to dedicate the proper time and effort to acquire their desired skill. If the person is talented, they may be able to learn the skill faster than those who are less talented. However, since “effort” is accounted for twice when someone is looking to achieve something spectacular, it’s actually a much more important variable for whether a person achieves the level of success that they desire.  By applying more effort to learning your craft and then applying more effort to applying that skill to achieve a goal, you can compound your results over time. My football coach would often say “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard” and he couldn’t have been more right.
How to develop “Grit”

Now that we’ve determined how important “Grit” can be to achieving long-term success let’s delve into how you can develop more of it over time. In the book, Angela goes over the parable of the bricklayer. In the story, 3 bricklayers are building a church together. When each bricklayer is asked about their role the first bricklayer says “I’m laying bricks” (a job), the second says “I’m building a church” (a career) and the third says “I’m building the house of God” (a calling). In this example, each bricklayer was performing the same action but the third bricklayer viewed his role as extremely important and was driven by a higher calling. Research shows that people, who view their job as a calling missed on average 1/3 fewer days of work, were more engaged throughout the day and on average put in 20% more hours of work per week.

If the average person works 40 hours per week, this extra 20% translates to around 400 extra hours of work per year. That’s almost 3 months of full-time work! If this effort is applied consistently over a decade, the individual who puts in 20% more hours will have amassed 2 more years of experience (4000 more hours) in the same time frame. The moral of the story is that even if you don’t currently view your work as a calling, try to figure out how your job lines up with your bigger purpose in life. The more passionate you are about the work you do every day, the faster you’ll achieve mastery and fulfillment.

Develop a growth mindset

What would your answer be to the following question: “How do you view setbacks in your life?” If your answer relates to how you hate setbacks and how they’ve never helped you achieve any goal, you may currently be suffering from a pessimistic mindset. In order to achieve your full potential, you’ll need to break away from pessimism and shift your mindset to be more growth focused. What do I mean by growth focused? I mean that you should view negative stimuli in your life as an opportunity to grow and improve. For example, if you get passed over for a promotion that you’ve been working towards, do you throw your hands up and say how the world is unfair or do you objectively look at what you need to improve on and then begin working towards that objective?

In a study conducted by Stanford University, elementary school students were taught how the brain responds to negative stimuli. When kids read about how the brain changes and grows in response to a challenge, they were much more likely to persevere when they failed because they didn’t believe that failure was a permanent state.  Have you been down on yourself because of a previous failure? Try to reframe your failure as a learning experience and envision how your brain is changing to respond to future negative stimuli. By viewing failure in this light, you’ll be much more resilient through tough times and be more willing to push through adversity when the going gets tough.

Bringing it all together

After reading this article, Amy felt a new sense of purpose and committed to changing how she approached her day to day life. She knew that if she was willing to put in the effort to outwork her competitors and refine her craft, she could succeed in the long run. To start, Amy resolved to eliminate the negative self-talk that she’d been subjecting herself to over the course of the last few months. Instead of calling herself “stupid” and a “loser”, she replaced these phrases with “I’m willing to learn and grow” and “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going”. By replacing these negative phrases with more positive ones, she began to experience a boost in confidence and was more determined than ever to work towards her goals.
In the following months whenever Amy faced a setback, she would objectively look at the situation, determine what the best course of action was and began working towards a solution. After about 1 ½ years of this practice, her hard work began to pay off. Her old clients began referring her to their friends and family members because of the fantastic job she had done for them. She began hiring other real estate agents to help her with the increased demand and now 5 years later she manages a team of 8 real estate agents.

She has never been happier and still keeps her focus on achieving her long-term goals. Life will throw you curve balls from time to time. There will setbacks, detours and bumps that will leave you questioning yourself and your abilities. In order to achieve your long-term goals, you’ll need to fight through these obstacles and continue along with vigor. Be willing to fail, be wrong or start over again. Using this formula, you’ll be well on your way to achieving the life you desire.

The post Talent is overrated – Grit is the true differentiator appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Monday, 30 July 2018

Do You Want to Be Successful? Here is the Secret

Ever wondered why some people succeed more easily or quicker than others? For some, the manifestation of a better life is attained effortlessly and for others, it takes a bit longer or a different direction altogether. This is influenced by our beliefs and perceptions – interpretation of our reality.

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”

Man is mind, in our mind is where our lives are shaped. We are what we think, and wherever we are in life today is the manifestation of our thoughts. Yes! Where we are is as a result of our thoughts at a certain point in time in the past. Our thoughts develop into feelings, words, and actions which eventually moulds our mindset – Our character. The character of a man is the sum total of his thoughts. The kind of mindset we develop through our day to day life will determine our emotions. How we feel at any given moment of time depend purely on our thoughts; whether we feel happy, sad, love or hate. Those feelings determine if we will have positive or negative results in our lives. We must choose wisely on what we feed our minds because that’s exactly what will manifest on outside. We need to take good care of our minds regularly if we want a good mindset and good results. Our mind which is always hungry and must be fed with nutritious food for it to grow.

“Change your thoughts and you change your world”

The mind is the garden and the thoughts are the seeds. Through the seeds we plant in our garden we will get the fruits. Whichever seeds we plant, the harvest will be of the same kind multiplied. The same case with life; through good thoughts, we will reap joy and abundance and through evil thoughts, we will reap pain and suffering. We ought to take care of our garden, our mind; cultivate it with intelligence. We have to practice mindfulness if we want our seeds to flourish. We should be the masters of our gardens. We must choose not to let our gardens go wild with all kind of weeds and expect a good harvest. All seeds that go down into the soil will grow, whether good or bad, whether a flower or a weed. We must be careful about the kind of seeds we are watering. And by eliminating all the weeds, planting good seeds of our favourite fruits and nurturing them, we can be sure we will have a bountiful harvest. The same case with our mind, our subconscious mind will accept all kind of seeds through our thoughts. We have to be mindful of what we allow into our minds on a daily basis. If we feed our minds with the negativity that exactly what we will get as the end result which manifests on outside. And if we choose positivity, our garden will blossom with beautiful flowers and bear fruits which we will be proud of.

“Where focus goes, energy flows and something grows”

The universe is always waiting for us and will respond to our thoughts accordingly. “Your wish is my command” is the universe philosophy. It will machinate our thoughts and our feelings, and help in the manifestation through its magnetic powers. Whether we are aware or not, the universe is constantly listening without discrimination of our choices – whether good or bad; our desires, our dreams and our hopes. Whatever we wish to see in our lives, we must learn to manifest it first from within. Nature responds to our patience, persistence and positivity in whatever we desire. With sincerity and clarity of our thoughts and desires, just one thing at a time. Our thoughts and feelings determine the energy we send forth to the universe through vibration. Everything in the universe is energy and everything in the universe moves and vibrates including us. To get good results from the universe, it starts with good thoughts which will develop good vibrations and eventually good energies. It is through the energy, our thoughts, words and actions –that our wishes are submitted to the universe. The universe will give us everything we wish and ask for.

“Believe you deserve it and the universe will serve it”

On this magical path called life, we ought to remind ourselves time and again that we are the masters of our fate. Through the mystical tree called the universe, our wishes will be granted. We all deserve joy, happiness, abundance and fullness of an amazing life. However, we must believe wholeheartedly that we deserve it. Our life is the reflection of what we sincerely believe we deserve, whatever we feed our minds will show on outside as our reality. It starts with positive self-dialogues which develops overtime to self-love and eventually awareness of our self-worth. Success starts from the mind, through positive thoughts.

Every moment of your life is infinitely creative and the universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request, and everything your heart desires must come to you.”

The post Do You Want to Be Successful? Here is the Secret appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Wednesday, 25 July 2018

5 Habits that Will Dramatically Transform Your Life for the Better

Urgency is a single word that should mean a lot to both of us.

Every day people die for different reasons which makes me wonder if I`ll ever have the chance to achieve my long list of goals or death will hunt me down like the 151,600 people who die every single day (according to stats).

Don`t get me wrong, I love patience. It`s a skill everyone should learn. But I also want to succeed as early as possible because no one knows what happens tomorrow. And I guess you agree with me on that.

My advice to you is: change your life if you don`t like it, and do it now, so when you die —which will inevitably happen— you won`t be just a number on the World Birth and Death Rates list. For this reason, I made you a list of five habits that I believe will transform your life in a whole new way if you just stick to thee. Here they are:

1. Stop using the alarm

According to a study published by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, people who get enough sleep (and do it regularly) and happier, healthier and calmer than those who don`t.

So, my tip for you is: Stop using the alarm for one week. Why? Because it wrecks your sleep quality. Any time you use the alarm, you simply say, “I`m not getting enough sleep, and I don`t trust my internal alarm so I`ll rely on something external to disrupt my sleep and wake me up.”

Keeping the alarm away, however, will encourage you to sleep early. It tells your body to get enough sleep or you won`t wake up early the next day, and maybe be late to work. Now, you`ll go to bed early at 8 or 9 pm., instead of late at 1 or 2 am.

2. Set a day each month to learn from your mistakes

Good Ol` Einstein once said it, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Taking some off time each month to reflect upon your past mistakes is one of the best habits you can ever build. Mainly because it makes you understand what has gone wrong and why you made those wrong choices. You will save tons of time, energy and money, and you`ll be able to make the best out of your mistakes and turn them into opportunities.

If it`s possible, get a journal then, at the end of the month, take a day or two off to reflect upon all the things you`ve written in a 4-week period. Trust me, it will change all you know about yourself.

3. Read every day (even for just five minutes)

Reading makes you smarter because it teaches you the mistakes of those who lived before you. So basically, the more you read, the fewer mistakes you make, and the faster you reach success.

My advice is to start slow with the reading thing. As I said, I love it, but many don`t. So start slow. If you can`t read a book a week, then read one chapter, or decide to read at least ten minutes a day and put it on your calendar. Whenever I feel lazy to read, I decide to grab a book for just five minutes, and frankly, I usually end up not wanting to stop reading.

4. Measure everything

I just watched a TV show called Transform My Meal. If you don`t know it, they basically hire a professional chef to serve an Olympian champion and change his/her meals from boring to healthy flashy.

The one thing I noticed time and time again is that those champions meticulously measure their calories. I mean every single thing they eat. From how much vinegar they put on the mackerel to how many minutes of sunbathing to get every day, everything is calculated, and it`s why they succeed.

So my advice is to start questioning your productivity and efficiency. Start using the 80/20 rule effectively. Find out the one or two things that impact your career/life more than anything else and make sure you build your life around them. It will ensure that your wins always exceed your losses.

5. Be as organized as you can

Get a planner, keep a calendar and make both of them part of your game plan. Life with a plan and a system is much easier and much enjoyable than trying to lead a messy, chaotic, goal-less life only to discover you wasted your entire existence on a half-lived life. So what to do:

  • Narrow your goals to 3,2 or even one at a time.
  • Write your goals every morning and before you go to bed, keep a to-do list.
  • Choose your tasks based on urgency and priority and,
  • Schedule everything you do no matter how trivial—even on weekends.

Ask any successful person and they`ll tell you that the clearer your path, the happier and more successful you`ll end up being.

The post 5 Habits that Will Dramatically Transform Your Life for the Better appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Monday, 23 July 2018

Essential Oils For Anxiety

Anxiety can be difficult to deal with day in and day out. And we could all use a natural go-to solution to relieve it. Essential oils are not only useful in aromatherapy, but they also offer various other benefits. Apart from balancing hormones, healing skin conditions, alleviating pain, and improving digestion, essential oils are widely used for calming the nerves. They are extracted naturally from flowers, leaves, roots, and the barks of trees and can provide all the relaxation needed to deal with any stressful situation. These fragrant oils have soothing properties that calm your mind and relieve stress. Essential oils work by reducing the heart rate, panic, and blood pressure – all factors that lead to anxiety. Here are a few essential oils that work well for stress and anxiety:

Lavender EO

The ever-so-fresh and floral essence of lavender essential oil can be quite relaxing and calming. Therefore, it is at the top of our list. It is considered to be one of the best adaptogens as it can help you adapt to any mood. Lavender EO is the best for reducing stress, calming agitation, and improving concentration. Anxiety often leads to sleeplessness (insomnia), and lavender EO is one effective remedy to alleviate this. There are many ways in which lavender oil can release stress. One popular method is to apply/rub it onto the temples to ease a headache. Even inhaling it directly can have an immediate calming effect.

Lime EO

The next best essential oil that can work wonders in reducing stress and fatigue is lime oil. Its stimulating essence can help trigger positive thoughts and get rid of negative energy and grief. The best way to use lime oil for stress and anxiety is by diffusing it since it cleanses the air and refreshes your mood. Another way is to inhale it directly. It works amazingly well to help you deal with stressful situations and when you are unable to focus. It can also be used as a body massage oil.

Eucalyptus EO

When it comes to relaxing essential oils, we cannot miss eucalyptus oil. The cooling effect of eucalyptus works wonders in boosting your energy and alleviating stress. It has a minty and refreshing aroma and is excellent for improving the mood and getting rid of mental fatigue. Eucalyptus oil is beneficial when it comes to treating a cold, flu, and headaches. If you are feeling mentally exhausted, this EO can stimulate your body and rejuvenate your mind. One way to use it is by applying it to your temples or inhaling it through a diffuser. You can even add a few drops to your bathwater every morning to uplift your mood.

Rose EO

Another floral essence that can release a rejuvenating fragrance is rose EO. All you need is a slight amount to feel its relaxing effects instantly. It promotes a sense of peace and tranquility. Rose oil comes quite handy when you are experiencing anxiety. It battles depression and stimulates the mind with positive thoughts. Rub a few drops onto your wrist or the back of your neck and breathe in the essence for instant relief from stress. Inhaling it directly is an excellent way to set the mood right and rejuvenate the body.

Orange EO

Another citrus essential oil that is known for its uplifting fragrance is orange EO. Its aroma is strong yet not too overpowering. It relieves stress and anxiety and has similar properties as lime EO. It fights feelings of panic and depression, and its uplifting essence can reduce irritability and worry and invoke feelings of happiness and joy. Orange EO can be used as a body massage oil for stress relief. Even inhaling it directly can boost your mood instantly by awakening your senses. Another standard way to use orange EO is in a diffuser.

Cedarwood EO

Finally, another favorite oil when it comes to relieving tensions and calming the nerves is cedarwood oil. Its aroma can release stress hormones and stabilize your mood instantly. If you have sleep disorders, cedarwood oil can also promote better sleep and a feeling of calmness by regulating the sleep patterns. It can be inhaled directly or rubbed onto the palms or over the forehead to relieve tension and worry. You can also add a few drops in the diffuser and let it spread in the air to set the mood for a good night’s sleep.

These are a few useful essential oils that help in treating anxiety. They can calm the nerves instantly and spread a peaceful aura. A few other oils you can use are ylang ylang EO, clary sage EO, jasmine EO, lemongrass EO, peppermint EO, and sandalwood EO. These oils work by alleviating mental and physical fatigue. They can be used in diffusers, inhaled directly, or even applied topically to help boost the mind and get rid of stress. They impart an instant cooling, refreshing feeling that can improve your day. Sometimes, even a combination of any of the above can infuse the senses with goodness. So, the next time you need any refreshment to calm your nerves, essential oils are your saviors!

The post Essential Oils For Anxiety appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Wednesday, 11 July 2018

How to Reinvent yourself in 5 Simple Steps

Feeling stuck is the root of many evils.

“I wish I could….” is the third most common phrase in English after “good morning” and “f**k it.” – I`m kidding.

“I wish I could lose more weight.”

“I wish I can get him to like me.”

“I wish I can be more social.”

“I wish I can make more money.”

All are wishes. All prove to me that deep inside, everyone wants the best for themselves. Most people, like you, want to reinvent themselves.

The problem? But most people are stuck. They want change, but they don`t know how it works or whether or not they can handle it. So, they choose to watch and cope instead of building the life the matches all the gifts they`d been given. So, today I made you a post on how to un-stuck and reinvent yourself from scratch so that the next months and years are all yours. Here they are:

Have a goal that excites you

Set a goal for yourself and strive to achieve it. Goals give us hope which makes hard work more endurable and makes you push past your limits —and thus build self-confidence and trust.

According to a study published in the Journal of Social Psychology, how happy you are as an adult relies strongly on how good you are at setting and achieving goals. Goal-setting is also a technique Navy Seals use to increase passing rates. Recruits are taught to set extremely small goals —like making it from lunch to dinner— so that each time they achieve a goal, they get a dopamine kick and a boost in self-confidence which make them go even further.

So, pick a goal, any goal, and write a plan to achieve it. Make it something that excites you and revises that goal as many time as you can during the day and night. An easy method to set, and achieve, goals is that one used by psychologist, and author, Richard Wiseman. I`ve been using it for years, and I swear by it. You divide any goal you want into 3-5 sub goals, then for each sub-goal write:

I believe that I can achieve this goal because…
To achieve this sub-goal I will…
This sub-goal will be achieved by the following date ../../…
My reward for achieving this will be…

Follow this formula with any goal you want to reach. I`m sure you will hit some nice home runs if you follow that drill at least once a day.

Write down five things that scare you (and overcome them)

Fear is crippling and it can ruin your career and life. One study found that people who are afraid of losing their jobs actually lost those jobs because of how bad fear made them perform.

My advice? Find out the 20 percent of your fears causing 80 percent of your troubles then smack them down. You must confront your fears, especially fear of rejection, so you don`t waste your life hovering around your goals instead of conquering them.

Spend time with yourself and ask what can I do if I were a little bit braver. Come up with as many ideas as possible then tackle the five most influencing ones until you`re no longer afraid. It can be anything from fearing to talk to a girl to fearing to email someone for help or cold-call a client. If you truly want to reinvent your life then fear should be the compass you use to find out what you should do. Cracking through your most deeply-rooted fears will liberate you, and it`s totally worth it.

Expand/change your social circle

Happiness is having a group of supportive, like-minded, fun-loving friends who stick with you in sickness and health. Being lonely won`t make you happier being around the wrong people will make you stressed, which is why you must consider reshaping your social life, so the process of reinventing your life works appropriately..

A 2018 study by Washington University says there`s a strong link between loneliness and dementia, chronic diseases and higher mortality rates. The same study suggests that 46 percent of America`s adults feel lonely most or all the time – and in case you want to know, many of these adults are between 18 and 22 years old.

Another study by Northwestern University found that the quickest way to learn anything is to hand around those who possess that skill. Which means you must spend some time around happy, successful and wiser people even if it means living in another city, finding a mentor, or replacing your old, unsupportive buddies with better ones. It`s hard, I know, but it`s doable.

Learn how to calm your mind

I want you to make at least one of these habits — running, journaling, yoga, and meditation— a lifetime habit. If you feel stuck in life, then I think you`re also victim to over-thinking, and nothing can control that muss in your head better than the four habits I just mentioned. They will give you the edge.

Social function, relaxation and mental health scores for a group of chronic worriers had gone higher following a 10-week yoga program, according to this study, which is primarily because yoga can reduce your primary stress hormone, known as Cortisol.

Running is another activity that improves your mental fitness. Though it looks boring to some people, running gives you the chance to train your mind not to quit. It`s an everyday battle between you and your inner, comfort-loving voice, and the harder you push without giving up, the quieter that quitter in you will be.

Finally, journaling allows you to understand your thoughts and feelings more adequately. It`s like putting them under the microscope with no one but you can examine them. You can`t imagine how much relieved you will start to feel after a month or two of journaling. Studies have found that this is one of few effective ways psychologists use to help vets returning from Iraq cope with their reintegration problems. Why not give it a shot?

Take good care of your looks

Reinvent yourself by working on your physical image? It`s not a bad thing, is it? You will feel desired which will improve your social life —look at how overweight people become suddenly social after they drop a ton of weight— and you will develop self-discipline as you begin to eat properly and hit the gym.

Trying to look better is a sign of self-love that. Even if you think can`t endure the hard work at the gym, there are so many “small” things you can do to look better. Get enough sleep, shower every day, book a monthly massage, get a celebrity-like haircut, shave/wax consistently, and buy new clothes that actually fit you. You will feel happy and motivated to hit the gym, fix your diet and work on your relationships. It`s a closed loop that you can affect by any small positive, or negative decision you make, so choose progress.

The post How to Reinvent yourself in 5 Simple Steps appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Monday, 2 July 2018

Four ways to make work more meaningful

In respect to our work life, most of us have complains: poor work-life balance, feeling like we’re not being paid enough for what we do, to the worst of all- not enjoying what we do.

Most of these narratives, to a greater extent, can be blamed on the delusive society we live in everyday- where we only see results, not process’, where we try our best to deduce things to black and white, instead of developing a more healthy pessimistic attitude and noticing the grayness that is life.

Take the entrepreneurial stories you hear everywhere as an example- how yet another kid dropped out of college and is now making a fortune. How someone went to a third world country and found “their calling”.

These stories, although on the one end inspire us to believe, also lead us astray.

From the surface, it seems like we’re in the wrong- suddenly, we’re questioning everything: Are we not truly following our dreams? Are we wasting our time and resources in dogma?

I started working about three years ago, and ever since, have tried my best to collect insights to optimize my working life. Normally, these kinds of articles are written by folks who’ve been working for a very long time, and hey- maybe some of what I’m suggesting seems naive, but I hope these help you find some solace at work.

#1 Get a Notebook

Although the world today is a big advocate of loving what you do, the ironic fact is- none of us know what we want to do with our lives, or rather- what we “love” doing.

Some of us hope for a day when we’re in the middle of a task, perhaps painting on a canvas, or gardening and suddenly the world will stop and God will come down to earth herself to hand you a certificate of assurance.

We expect our passions to be automatic, almost supernatural forces that we cannot understand rationally.

The truth is, fortunately, that there is hardly an inherent calling we’re born with; we can, with curiosity, not only find out what we fancy doing but also use that information to guide our professional and (sometimes) personal lives.

To do so, we need something as simple as a notebook.

To understand where our interests lie, we need to take notice and record our thoughts and feelings while we engage in tasks at work.

This helps us in two ways.

First– it helps us understand ourselves better. As we curiously look at our notebook, we can question, for example, why we felt particularly engaging in making that poster, or why negotiating that deal made us so excited. These can help guide us to the right job.

Second– it can help us look at the bigger picture. A typical thought pattern starting level employees go through is believing that the task they’re engaged in is “not that important”- that, no one is going to look at that presentation or that fifty page proposal you wrote that took a lot out of you.

However, a glance at our notebook can make us realize that literally everything and anything you do at your job, if traced back, is significant to the overall efficiency of the company. To give you an extreme example- think about the job of an office cleaner. From the surface, it may seem that their job is mundane, and that it doesn’t really matter in the long run. However, a messy office can decrease morale , which, can affect work.

So, if you really think about it- an office cleaner plays as much of a role in the overall efficiency of a company, by doing a good job.

Its what Marcus Aurelius said- Everything is interwoven, and the web is holy; none of its parts are unconnected. Together, they compose the world.

Get a notebook and record your thoughts and feelings. Apply some gentle curiosity to your daily work-life, watch yourself at work like an archaeologist would, an artifact.

#2 Have an internal scorecard

We’re masters at evaluating ourselves though factors that are beyond our control. At first, it may be tempting to look at the tangibles that rule our professional lives- the amount of money we’re making, or the number of times our managers gave us an approving comment, but, the truth is- we cannot control these things.

Our stakeholders could fail to notice the job we’re doing because they too, have things to do on their plate. That big report you turned in could go unnoticed (despite those grueling hours you put in writing the introduction), simply because your manager may be having a rough day.

And so, to stay internally motivated we need to look at metrics that are within our direct control- how many reports we read, templates we created, time we spent critically thinking or building something.

As we step away from seeking approval from the world, we start taking a proactive approach to becoming our best professional and personal selves. Not because we want someone’s approval, not because we want to be appreciated in a meeting, but for a higher good- for making the world a better place.

#3 Stay Away from the ladder

It may be tempting to look at our job as a ladder, with the ultimate goal being- to go as higher up as possible and become an executive. After all- that’s when we’d be able to afford that sweet ride we’ve been dreaming of since twelve.

This mindset, however, has consequences.

First, if we put higher level positions ( and the people who’re in them) on a pedestal, it makes us believe that the executives know it all- they have a picture perfect vision of how introducing that new product will revolutionize lives and make the business significantly richer. From afar then, these folks seem like God like figures who’ve got it all figured out. And so, if we’d like to become them, we’d have to start trying to incorporate their habits, routines, and personalities in our lives.

The truth, fortunately is- no one really knows.

Regardless of how many white papers prove the executives decision, or how many forecasting studies yielded positive, inherently, they too, just like us, are afraid of luck playing out its card.

Second– ego.

It’s rather dangerous to believe (sometimes wholeheartedly) that the reason we’re at such a higher level is because we possess something special- that, maybe the Gods rewarded us with something magical after all.

And the more we start living with this narrative, the worse our performance gets. Instead of trying new things and being curious about everyday process’, we’re trying our best not to fail, all the while forgetting that failure gives us freedom to become, be, and do more.

Your goal, then, shouldn’t be to climb the ladder. It should be to use whatever craft you’re in for making our societies less chaotic.

The rewards and levels shouldn’t bother you- they are externals.

#4 Look at it from above

Regardless of what your job is, it’s imperative that at some point in your professional life, you would have had to do something that you’re not really excited about- chasing around someone for their signature, copy pasting things into an excel file, updating information on the company’s directory; and it may seem like you’re not making much of a difference in your job.

After all- how can updating the emergency contact information make a significant impact?

And that is when we can apply a stoic concept that can help put things into perspective- a view from above.

First, start by getting a solid understanding of what the company you work for aims to do- what problem is it trying to solve? From the big five global challenges, which one is your business trying to solve?

And then go higher and ask yourself another question: what is the industry you’re in trying to solve?

Thinking about these questions can help us in a number of ways.

First– it can help us prioritize our tasks. If copy pasting formulas into an excel file doesn’t really amount to much, we can think about how that process can be automated, so, your stakeholders and you can spend time and energy in being engaged in tasks that really deserve our attention.

Second– it can help us improve professionally. As we get our heads out of the trivialities, we can finally stop obsessing and worrying about learning new skills for our LinkedIn profiles. Now, these very skills simply become means to achieve bigger and better things- automating that task, introducing a new newsletter, building an app.

So, the next time you feel like you’re wasting time in obsessing over things that don’t really matter in the long run- stop and watch. Just watch what everything looks like from the top- see how the pieces move, look at the problems, and then- go work on those fucking solutions regardless of how trivial they might seem.

Like pain, the size of a problem too is absolutely relative-a problem is a problem and if it persists for too long, it can create other problems.

Your job, then, is to solve.

The post Four ways to make work more meaningful appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Friday, 29 June 2018

Want to lose weight? Stop Making These 4 Mistakes

Everyone wants to lose weight, but it seems like most fail –even after they drop the weight. According to studies, almost eighty percent of people regain the weight they`d lost in no more than five years of losing it.

Even former Biggest Losers such find it hard to keep the weight they`d shed. Ryan Benson, for instance, the show`s first winner ever regained more than the 122 pounds he lost during the show in no time. So yes, weight loss can be tough, if you don`t have the right knowledge or if you`re making mistakes that sabotage your efforts… Like these four:

Mistake #1: Not keeping an eye on the HALT

If there`s one habit that will make or break your health, it will be emotional eating. Studies by the University of the Basque Country consider emotional eating to be the number one reason why people fail to keep the weight they lose in the long term.

Stuffing food in just because your sad, alone or stressed creates more serious issues without offering real solutions.

I`ve been there, and I know that it takes a lot of effort to stop mindless eating, but you must find a solution.
One basic tip here is to watch yourself when you`re hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Professionals call these four, “HALT,” and if/when you find ways, other than food, to cope with the last three, you`ll keep so many unwanted calories off your belly.

Mistake #2: Not using your natural fat-burning boosters

Coffee and shakes are good, but they shouldn`t stop you from the two most important weight-loss beverages one can have: water and green tea. I`m not going to talk about the side effects of dehydration, but did you know that you can lose up to five times more weight if you drink a glass of water 30 minutes before each meal. It`s possible according to a 2015 study by the University of Birmingham.

Now, what about green tea?

Green tea has so many health benefits, but the one I`m going to talk about now is how it will increase your fat burning. First off, green tea has very few calories —one calorie per 100 mL serving— so it`ll make you full without messing with your daily intake.

Second, Green tea increases increase insulin resistance through a very active component called Epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG) which, once entered the blood, reduce glucose intolerance, improve insulin resistance and promote weight loss.

Finally, green tea will make you more active as studies say it can increase your 24-h energy expenditure by 4 percent.

But, how much green tea should you drink? Experts say you should drink as many as five cups of green tea every single day, and not only you`ll lose weight faster, but you`ll also enjoy its other benefits.

Mistake #3: Letting numbers trick you

I`m a huge fan of the saying, “whatever gets measured gets managed,” and I tell my clients to scale themselves at least once a week to stay aware of where they stand. However, using only the scale to measure your progress isn`t the best idea either.

When you begin a diet, you`ll often lose weight at a fast, yet deceiving, rate. But this rate will get slower as your body gets used to this new lifestyle. You`ll find it harder to get those numbers down the scale, and for some people, this means panicking, anxiety or maybe quitting.

The truth is, the scale isn`t the most reliable way to measure your progress, especially as you become more experienced. Gaining muscle, losing fat, water retention, and the time you choose to step on the scale —ex. before or after your first meal—, all these factors will affect your numbers.

My tip to you is to use more than one tool to measure your progress. Measure your body fat and muscle mass, take weekly before and after pages, and notice how you fit in your old, slimmer, clothes.

Mistake #4: Not picking the right environment to lose weight

Everyone — every single one of us — eats how much we eat largely because of what’s around us.
We overeat not because of hunger but because of family and friends, packages and plates, names and numbers, labels and lights, colors and candles, shapes and smells, distractions and distances, cupboards and containers. This list is almost as endless as it’s invisible.” – Brian Wansink Ph.D., author of Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think

If you`re new to eating healthy, then watch out for these two; the company you keep and the food in your kitchen.

Don`t believe me? Watch this experiment after you read this post.

You`ll do great at fighting temptations if you eliminate those temptations in the first place. I`ve been doing intermittent fasting for years and, surprisingly, the only time I feel less urged to break a fast is during Ramadan.
It`s because everyone around me is set to eat at a specific time so I feel less tempted to eat. You`ll notice the same thing if you`re hungry and there`s nothing in the fridge at 4 am. You`ll go back to bed, and soon you`ll forget about hunger because that`s the only option you have.

My advice, keep your fridge clean and plan your meals, so you either eat them when you go out with your friends or right before so there`s no need to eat more.

The post Want to lose weight? Stop Making These 4 Mistakes appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Monday, 25 June 2018

6 Ways To Go From Unhappy To Happy

We all know it’s going to hit us in our lives. A time that we just don’t know what to do anymore because we feel awful. Maybe you lost someone dear to you, or you have the feeling that you’re failing in life. You know that you will get through this or perhaps you’re even past that point.

I’m here to help you overcome this time of misery, seeking out the positive in the current situation to keep you going.

1. Believe In Something Bigger

Sometimes it can help to believe in something bigger than yourself. Be it God or simply The Universe, whatever it is, believe in it. If you have something to believe in that’s bigger than yourself, you’ll go through anything with faith. Thinking that He or The Universe will take care of your problems. Understanding that everything happens for a reason and that this period of misery is a test.

Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness.”

Maybe you were raised religiously, you could totally put this practice into action. Or practice it now; pray, meditate or chant. Do anything that helps strengthen your faith.

2. Talk With Others

Sometimes it helps to talk to others about how you feel. If you talk to people who care about you, they’ll likely be there for you in any way possible. Even though you have a hard time making yourself vulnerable towards others, sometimes it’s the best thing to do. Don’t be afraid to open up.

These people can be friends, family or even strangers you end up talking to. Don’t force it upon them though. If someone asks you how you feel, you could tell the truth and open up. After that, you can ask them how they ‘really’ feel instead of ‘fine’. In my experience, if you tell the truth if someone asks you how you’re doing, they’ll likely open up to you to which can strengthen the relationship. And as you may know, relationships are critical to your happiness.

If you don’t feel comfortable to talk to these people for whatever reason, you could always go and see a psychologist or an expert in that area. This may cost you money but what is more important happiness or money? Happiness of course! They know what they talk about and can really help you overcome this misery you’re feeling.

Another option is to seek out people who are going through the same thing as you. If you have problems with alcohol, you can go to an AA meeting. There’s even a group for friends/relatives of the victims of the crash of MH17. Search for groups on facebook or google, believe me, you’ll find a lot. All these people have been through the same thing as you are going through so they will be able to help.

3. Be Alone

The opposite of reaching out is to isolate yourself for a while. This may look like contradicting advice, but I think this can really help some people, especially introverts. When I lost my best friend at a really young age, I locked myself up for 3 months to recover and figure everything out. It ultimately turned my life around which led me to write this article.

Take time off of everything, don’t go to work or any other thing you have. Just call in sick or something, I don’t know, make something up. Or be honest and tell them that you’re going through a ‘down’ period and you really need it. This can be hard if you have children, but you could always schedule your day around spending time on your own.

When you are alone, you don’t have to do anything, just contemplate or let go. Everything that you feel or do, let it happen, you need it. I read a lot of books in my time of isolation, but you don’t even have to do that. Just don’t set any expectations and see what happens.

If you want to do something but not something intense, you could meditate. Sit, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. That’s all you have to do, here’s a simple guide for meditation.

4. Start Expressing Yourself In Art

There are a lot of benefits to making art, some of them are listed here:

  • Creating art relieves stress
  • Art can help express your subconscious
  • It encourages creative thinking
  • Art boosts self-esteem
  • Art increases tolerance, empathy, and love.

Now, if these reasons aren’t enough to get you into art, I don’t know what will. Of course, there are a lot of different forms of art, one of them is what I’m doing now, writing.

Other forms of art:

  • Dance
  • Singing
  • Painting
  • Drawing

There are so many art forms, just do what fits you best or feels the best. By expressing yourself in art, you will get the misery out of you. This makes it easier to deal with it as you now have a visual of the causes for your unhappiness.

Start making art today, try something!

5. Be You

One thing I practice and preach is being true to yourself and others at all times. Even if it’s a negative something like feeling miserable. It’s not wrong to be miserable for a while, we all are sometimes. Just be you and do everything that is you. Do you want to scream? Scream. Do you want to cry? Cry. As long as you’re not hurting others intentionally you’re okay, be you.

Be vulnerable and open up as I said earlier. But now, you don’t even need to talk to anyone. Just open yourself up for everything that’s happening around you.

Let everything happen as it happens. Everything happens for a reason, and so does this feeling. Being unhappy is needed to become happy. Just as you first have to lose yourself to find yourself.

You’ll feel better when you’re you because you don’t have to hold back or hold yourself up to specific standards anymore. Try it and be happy!

6. Have Fun

A lot of times, I catch myself beating myself up because I’m having fun while there are so many things I have to do. But then I realize that it’s as important to have fun as it is to work. My rule of thumb is this:

Play as hard as you work.”

So if you’re working (really working) 8 hours a day, you also deserve to have 8 hours of fun. Playing has many health benefits.

So, go and have fun! This could be for a couple hours, days, weeks or even months. Sometimes you just need time off. After I graduated from high school, I first dedicated 3 months of my gap year to playing video games (and smoking weed at that time). You know what happened? After 3 months I wanted to do something, and I felt I had a more significant purpose to go after, I’ve never felt so good to work on something in my life. It motivated the crap out of me, and now I try to keep the balance between having fun and working.

So, really takes this time to play and maybe even plan it in your schedule. This way you’ll rest and regenerate your energy for the next day.

Something You Need To Know

The last thing I need you to know is this:

Life is so ironic, it takes sadness to know what happiness is, noise to appreciate silence & absence to value presence.”

Life is hard, and you need to deal with it. There’s no easy way around it, you have to face it and be tough as shit. We’re all hypocrites, emotional beings and selfish. The only thing you can control is how you deal with it.

Are you going to take responsibility for your life? Or are you going to watch from the sidelines?

Just know; eventually, everything will be alright. Everything happens for a reason, you need to have valleys to have peaks in life. But I believe that everything will turn out to be okay.

And so will you.

The post 6 Ways To Go From Unhappy To Happy appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Friday, 22 June 2018

Are we setting up millennials to feel like frauds?

With a culture of celebrating all successes and the ease of being able to compare our ‘best’ lives on social media, the expectations, learning and experiences of millennials have meant their frame of reference could now be setting them up to feel like a fraud.

The imposter syndrome is something that is felt by successful, talented individuals who cannot accept their success and live in a state of anxiousness because they feel they are ‘faking it’ and that they will get ‘found out’ because they are a ‘fraud’. Dr Pauline Clance and Dr Suzanne Imes first explored the imposter phenomenon in their 1978 paper, The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention(1).

Clance and Imes’ research suggests that the imposter phenomenon can start from childhood from two possible scenarios. The first is that you feel compared to another sibling who is considered the ‘intelligent/athletic/social’ one. You then work hard to ‘prove’ you can achieve the same but you always feel that your parents still think your sibling is ‘better’ than you so any of your achievements are not that worthy.

The second is that your parents tell you you can do or be anything you want to in this life. When you then struggle with something you feel that you are obviously not a ‘natural’ and feelings of being an imposter creep in. This is where I think we have potentially set millennials up for FOBFO – fear of being found out – as they start and progress in their careers. When you are used to getting a ribbon for showing up, alongside parents being able to fulfil many desires, whether it is buying a product or creating an experience, both generation X and generation Y have grown up believing they can do and be anything. On the surface, this is brilliant and where self belief should come from, but what then happens when you go into the ‘real world’ and there is competition? Not everyone will get the promotion, or an annual bonus, or a pay rise; you are ranked against your peers and just ‘showing up’ will not necessarily mean success. These individuals then risk feeling that everything they have been told about their successes to date have been lies and they may start to question everything that has come before. If they do work hard and achieve success, it hasn’t come as easily as they were maybe lead to believe, so they feel like an imposter because of this. They don’t see hard work as a useful attribute, because they have been brought up with ‘ease’ being the primary factor – so working hard means they are an imposter to having the easy life they thought they would have.

Recent research by Amazing If(2) found that almost one third of millennials in the UK are suffering with FOBFO at work – that equates to 12 million, eighteen to thirty four year olds struggling with their confidence in their careers. With ‘newbies’ feeling intimidated by more experienced staff members with their seemingly huge amount of knowledge, the general competitiveness to ‘stand out’ and be recognised for doing a great job, the pace of [technological] progress meaning processes and roles are constantly changing, as well as the possible uncertainty as to whether they have even started on the right career path for them yet, it isn’t surprising that this generation are having a confidence crisis as they begin their working life journey.

If you are a parent reading this, please don’t despair! I personally think letting your children know they can achieve great success is amazing, but balance that with letting them know:

  • that there may be challenges (which can generally be overcome)
  • it may take hard work
  • that they will achieve and succeed if this is what they really want
  • that they need to keep going
  • they are not alone in how they are feeling
  • they are awesome exactly as they are and that you believe in them
  • there may be times that they don’t achieve first time – and that’s okay

Teaching resilience and flexibility, I think, will lead to true inner confidence in who they are and how they can adapt to their changing environments. I believe we can all do and be anything we want, or need to be. Helping them to understand where they get their energy (for example, spending time with groups of people will energise some people, but deplete others), appreciate what they love doing, learn what they are naturally good at, and think about their purpose in life are all ways to grow self-awareness, which increases inner confidence. From here, you can help them to start to build strategies that support them.

An example of building strategies to support would be if they have been asked to give a presentation at work. They know they find talking in public difficult but they love doing research and are naturally good at writing stories. They can thoroughly prepare for the presentation and feel confident in the content and flow of what they are going to say. They can practice and use visualisation techniques to project themselves into the presentation situation so they can ‘see’ how you will handle various scenarios ahead of the time, and ‘hear’ how the presentation will sound to the audience. Before they give the presentation, they can block out an hour in their diary to ensure they don’t have to rush from another meeting and give themselves time to ‘power pose’(3) and compose themselves with deep breathing in the toilet. After the presentation they can reward themselves with 20 minutes reading time and a hot chocolate as they know this will replenish them so they will have energy to continue with their day.

By having deeper self awareness they can not only prepare for any event, but also learn to prepare their state so they can always be at their best. This will minimise feelings of being an imposter as they are finding ways to accomplish anything they set their minds to, whilst also being true to, honouring and respecting themselves.

References:

(1)The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention.

(2)http://www.amazingif.com/

(3)https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are

The post Are we setting up millennials to feel like frauds? appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Wednesday, 20 June 2018

5 AMAZING BENEFITS OF EXERCISING THAT GO BEYOND LOSING WEIGHT

I have always been naturally thin. Instead of people telling me to “watch my weight” they felt emboldened to tell me to “eat something”.

So, imagine their look of surprise when I tell them that I work out religiously three times per week.

Their look of surprise is usually followed by something along the lines of, “But why? You’re already so thin? You don’t need to work out”.

Contrary to popular belief not everyone exercises just to lose weight.

Below are 5 amazing benefits of exercising that go beyond losing weight.

1. Exercising Promotes a Healthy Body Inside and Out

You can be thin and unhealthy at the same time.

Some people have fast metabolisms, meaning their body digests their food quickly, so they are able to eat whatever they desire and still not gain any weight.

But if you are eating fatty foods, and foods high in sugar, in addition to not exercising, you could be one hot fudge sundae away from a major health condition.

Regular exercise can reduce your blood pressure, decrease your risk of diabetes and heart disease, and improve your flexibility and posture.

To be truly healthy you have to be healthy inside and out so throw on your workout gear and hit the gym!

2. Exercising Increases Your Confidence

When you start working out you will notice that your body will be more toned, you’ll start dropping body fat and you will feel stronger.

As you undergo these physical changes you will build confidence, not only because you are looking better, but also because you have the personal satisfaction of being able to stick to a consistent workout routine.

When you feel confident, others will notice your confident aura and good things will magically begin to happen to you.

You will soon notice that your increased confidence will be reflected in other areas of your life such as your personal relationships and career.

Who knows – you may decide to finally approach that attractive guy you always see at the grocery store or apply for your dream job.

3. Exercising Can Be a Social Activity

I work remotely, and some days I barely leave my home, so my social interaction can be limited to say the least.

Thankfully, I have been going to the same gym for three years and I have developed friendships with some of the other gym goers.

While working out I am able to catch up with my friends and get some human interaction, that is not done behind a computer screen.

Exercising, whether it’s going to a gym, riding a bike, walking/running or etc. can be fun and a great way to expand your social circle.

Ride your bike with other bike riders and go running with other runners. Having other people who you work out with will help you stay motivated to keep working out.

4. Exercising is Relaxing

When you set aside time to work out this is your half-hour, hour or even 2 hours to unplug from your job, spouse, kids and responsibilities.

This is your me-time to focus on yourself.

Also, exercising releases endorphins which trigger a positive feeling in the body and can leave you feeling relaxed, and like you’re floating on a cloud, when you step off that treadmill.

Who doesn’t enjoy a healthy and natural high?

5. Exercising Promotes a Strong Core

I prefer yoga and Pilates but there’s no one-size-fits-all workout routine.

I have found that these particular exercises haven’t caused me to shed pounds, but instead my tiny frame is toned, and I have a strong core.

Your core is to your body as a foundation is to your house. If you have ever had any stomach surgery you realize how much you depend on your core once you feel the shooting pain when you attempt to do a simple task, such as pick something up from the floor.

Strengthening my core has eliminated my back pain, improved my posture, increased my balance and I now have some amazing abs.

What’s not to love about having a strong core?

See not everyone works out solely to lose weight. If you are naturally thin don’t be embarrassed to hit the gym. There’s no shame in wanting to be toned and healthy.

Whether it’s CrossFit, running, or yoga, customize your routine to whatever exercises work best for you. Most importantly, make sure you keep at it knowing that exercising has many benefits that are good for your mind, body and spirit.

The post 5 AMAZING BENEFITS OF EXERCISING THAT GO BEYOND LOSING WEIGHT appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Monday, 18 June 2018

12 Romantic Things You Could Easily Do for Your Wife

Remember when you were first together and you would have done anything to make your wife smile? Surprise flowers ‘just because’ and heading out on a whim to get her favorite treats used to be a regular occurrence.

Romance in marriage isn’t about seducing your wife into sex or looking after your own personal gain, it’s about making her smile and reminding her of your love for her.

When was the last time you romanced your wife? Don’t let displaying your love to your sweetheart become a thing of the past. Here are 12 romantic things you could easily do to impress your wife.

1. Keep Dating your Wife

One of the best romantic ideas for your wife is to keep dating her. What does this mean? Exactly what it sounds like: Go on dates!

Once or twice a month, plan a romantic evening out and act like you did when you were first dating. Open the car door for her, ask ‘get-to-know-you’ questions, and be a gentleman.

Not only is this sweet idea completely romantic, it also helps build sexual chemistry, boosts your libido, and affords you and your wife some quality time together away from the hustle and bustle of your regular routine.

2. Surprise Her with a Gift

The next time you’re coming home from work, why not grab something to surprise your wife with? You can easily pick up some flowers or her favorite chocolates at the corner store before heading home. Some other great ideas for surprise gifts are:

  • Bring home her favorite coffee
  • Wine or champagne
  • Get her something from her online wish-list
  • Bring home dinner so she doesn’t have to cook

3. Write Her a Love Letter

Make your wife fall deeper in love with you by writing her a love letter. This builds deeper intimacy between the two of you. It’s also great for those who have trouble vocalizing their affections.

Make a list of all the things you love and appreciate about your wife and then, e-mail it to her. You can kick it up a notch by hand-writing the letter and leaving it out for her to read.

4. Look Out for Exciting Events

Being romantic doesn’t always mean being an ooey-gooey, lovestruck couple. Make your date-night fun and romantic by looking out for exciting events happening near your that you wife might enjoy. Pick a band, artist, play, or any other event your wife has been looking forward to and snag some tickets. She’ll be thrilled with the surprise and touched that you thought of her.

5. Give Her a Massage

One romantic idea for your wife is to give her a relaxing massage after a long day.

The next time she’s propped her feet up on your lap or is exhausted after a long day, use it as an opportunity to spoil her with relaxation.

It’s always nice to receive a massage in return for your hand’s hard work, but don’t expect it! The sweetest thing about giving your wife a massage is that you’re entirely focusing on her. Your goal is to make sure she feels amazing.

6. Take Care of Yourself

Looks aren’t everything. Still, everyone wants to be physically attracted to their mate! One way you can bring romance in marriage is by taking care of your appearance. Work out regularly and eat well. Care for any body hair, practice good personal hygiene, and dress to impress when you’re taking your sweetheart out.

7. Make Her Life Easier

Sometimes the most romantic ideas for your wife are the simplest ones. You can show your wife you really care by doing some simple things that will make her life that much easier. Some great ideas for daily romance include:

  • Offer to take care of the kids so she can go out with her friends
  • Do the dishes
  • Clean up around the house
  • Make her breakfast
  • Pick up some groceries
  • Mow the lawn
  • Fill the car with gas

8. Take it to the Bedroom

One fantastic way to include romance in marriage is by spoiling her in the bedroom. Studies show that now only does regular physical intimacy lower stress and increase trust, it also bonds couples closer together through the love hormone ‘oxytocin’.

Make your sex life romantic. Set the mood with candles and music and let your wife know there’s no hurry. Take your time together kissing and building intimacy. Engage in foreplay and have fun!

9. Take a Weekend Trip

One great way to build romance with your wife is to plan a surprise getaway! Couples who travel together experience deeper intimacy. It’s also exciting to explore a new place together. Romance your wife with a romantic B&B getaway for the weekend.

10. A Night Designed for Her

Have fun and show off your romantic side by planning a night that’s just meant for your wife. Go to a restaurant she loves and then do an activity she’s crazy about such as ice-skating or going to a movie she’s been dying to see.

11. Cook for Her

Women love to be doted on and they love to eat. Combine these things together and you get a romantic night in for two with food cooked by the love of her life.

There’s nothing more romantic than showing off your culinary skills with a fantastic meal for your lady-love. Set aside one night this week and surprise her with her favorite meal.

You can make this as simple or as elaborate as you like. It all depends on what you’re comfortable with. A three-course meal complete with her favorite dessert surely isn’t going to hurt. But odds are she’s going to be equally impressed with some simple pasta and garlic bread.

12. Be Physical

Many women respond positively to physical touch. Without taking things into the bedroom, physical intimacy can still be a powerful and romantic way to express your love to your wife. Start your romantic journey by holding hands every day, passionately kissing more, and cuddling to your heart’s content.

Being romantic shouldn’t mean planning complicated grand gestures. Instead, keep dating your wife, cook for her, give her a massage, or look for ways to make her day easier. By using these romantic ideas for your wife you’ll successfully keep the spark alive in your marriage.

The post 12 Romantic Things You Could Easily Do for Your Wife appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Friday, 15 June 2018

Embracing change for your growth as a human being

We are going to experience many changes in our life. Change is the one constant that is a certainty but how many of us welcome change and how many fear change and are threatened by it?

Most parents overprotect their children by not allowing them to try, fail and learn another way to succeed. The parental focus is on making life easy for their children and preparing the ground for their smooth passage through life. This parenting role creates a Trust Fund kids mentality not only from a monetary viewpoint but from preventing them experiencing life’s challenges too.

I know many genuine Trust Fund beneficiaries and most have been robbed of real life’s challenges and growth as a human being. These Trust Funds kids go through life in first class and focus on acquiring shiny objects and thrills. This ego-based process creates an insatiable hunger for more and shinier objects and excitement, and that pit is bottomless. The explosion of using illegal narcotics in the fleshpots of the world is where many a Trust Fund kid ends up with rehab the next stop on their life’s journey. Rehab has a meager success rate. I consider being such a Trust Fund kid a curse and not a blessing.

The same Trust Fund kid mentality happens in lower middle class, middle class, and upper-middle-class homes too as parents overprotect their children from trying something new, failing and finding another way to succeed. If the parental attitude changed from removing the word “failure” and instead using the words “ a learning experience” then children would seek new learning experiences knowing they will be admired for attempting something even if they did not succeed. Each time a child stretched itself beyond their comfort zone, they grow experientially, and now their comfort zone extends too.

Parents allow their children to learn to walk unaided because the parents know that in time their children will walk properly. But why stop there? Encourage your child to attempt whatever they want to do, providing they won’t severely damage or kill themselves in the process. Broken bones will heal in six weeks but a broken spirit of lack of self-belief through being too scared to attempt something new will remain forever.

Self-confidence comes from learning to have the ability to do what is required when it is needed. Such self-esteem comes from trying and doing and picking yourself up and trying again, perhaps a different way, and then succeeding. The proven success builds confidence including having a positive mental attitude that one is capable of achieving their goals.

In most classes at school, there are one or two children who have such self-confidence and the other children gravitate to them as their leaders. Success breeds success. These confident children weren’t born with such inner confidence, it was learnt by having the opportunity to challenge themselves and to try and fail and then succeed. The confident child’s parents allowed their child to get outside their comfort zone and experiment with new challenges to grow and to learn.

Victors and victims in life begin in their formative first seven years where their role models are their parents and other siblings. The Jesuits have a saying “Let me have your son for the first seven years of his life, and I will bring you back the man.”

Learning to embrace change is the starting point of building such inner self-confidence. My acronym for CHANGE is Clearing Healing And New Gifts Emerging.

Change then becomes a process of growth as you clear out what is no longer required, such as fear of the unknown. The process continues, and you heal from the fear being ripped out of you, and you find new gifts that were waiting for you at the other end of your comfort zone. You then emerge as a human being who has grown through the process of removing fear and replacing it with hope and attained success.

Such CHANGE is the road that Victors in life choose to travel. They embrace the challenges of change as learning experiences and as a necessary part of the journey. They build their self-confidence one attained success at a time and look for more and more challenges brought upon by change in their lives.

These are the real Trust Fund kids as they have a self-created Trust Fund of succeeding in handling life’s challenges brought about by the need to change and grow.

The post Embracing change for your growth as a human being appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Wednesday, 13 June 2018

5 Signs You’ll Be Successful

Do you think the future is predictable? If you say ‘yes,’ then you’re right. The future, at least some part of it, is predictable. And here I’m talking about how one’s habits decides one’s destiny, not some Nostradamus-like predictions.

Success, and failure, both leave trails that often predict the future better than anything else. So, today I`m talking about the top five signs of success. If you have some or all of them, then congratulations; you`re riding shotgun on the golden road of money, fame, health, and power. And if you don`t, I hope this post be a wakeup call for you to make some changes for the better.

Sign #1: You put in so much work than anyone else

Be the hardest working person in any room. Eventually, success will come down to how hard you work and how much time every day you spend grinding. I recently read a book called Rituals by Mason Currey that presented the daily routines of Einstein, George Orwell, Darwin, and dozens more, and I found that none of them —except for a handful— had a typical 40-hour workweek. They cranked tons of hours of hard work every week, just because they were obsessed.

It`s hard to demand 60, 70 or even 100-hour workweeks from yourself if you lack motivation. It only happens when you build your existence about achieving the goals that you can`t stand to rest when the competition is working. And the first step? Willfully think about your goal all the time and everywhere that it becomes a purpose and not just something you work on from nine to five. Make it a joy to sit down and stare at the nowhere while seeing yourself achieving your goals.

Sign #2: Life has taught you to be more persuasive

The many setbacks and rejection you’ve received taught you about the importance of persuasion and expanding your social circle.

The fact that Warren Buffet had his a public-speaking certificate hanged in his office and not his Colombia degree might tell you something about the relationship between success and persuasion. The highest earner among my friends are the most persuasive not the most educated —and some of them are dropouts. It`s not a “school knowledge vs. street knowledge” debate, but the truth is, many self-made billionaires started as salesmen John Paul DeJoria, Mark Cuban and Howard Schultz.

If you dare to look for rejections, know how to present an idea and have a big social circle —or work on building one— then you will become successful. Do you know what Michael Bloomberg did three years before starting his company in 1981? He woke early every morning and hit the office with a dozen cups of tea and coffee to share with anyone who worked early in the morning —usually workaholic, 90-hr workweek bigwigs. Now, guess who helped him launch that now-estimated $50 billion company? Those same people.

Sign #3: You know how to manage your emotions

I.e., feel the fear and do it anyway.

You`ll succeed when it seems like you always manage to get the job done regardless of the circumstances. Successful people feel the laziness, fear, hunger, and lack of interest, and still do it anyway. It`s a skill you cultivate through self-awareness and experience.

Proper goal-setting and planning skills are also signs of you being on the right track. Look at your goals from last year, or the past few months, and compare them with your position now. If progress is notable, then you`re on the right track.

Sign #4: You know how to manage your energy

Scott Adams, the creator of the Dilbert comic strip, calls energy, “the most important success metric,” because —like it or not— you can`t go anywhere without energy.

Not everyone who hits the gym is successful, but no one will achieve anything worth noticing without having enough energy to do the work. People who do one or more of these four: porn, overeating, drugs and overdrinking rarely find the strength, motivation, and courage to do anything remarkable. The dopamine surge they get with each does or sex clip satisfies their brain so much that they no longer feel the desire to chase their dreams. Extreme satiation.

Now, look at the habits of successful people. They exercise, meditate, and they avoid the trap of overindulgence —at least till they achieve their goals. I once listened to Tim Ferris saying, everyone, he`s ever interviewed either meditates or does yoga. The discipline and the energy these habits create boost productivity, which is all you need to be successful.

Sign #5: You say yes more than often

In order to deliver at that level of massive action, you must take every opportunity that comes your way.” – Grant Cardone

Being willing to take every opportunity that comes your way, even when you lack preparation, is a sign you`re going to be successful. Some people believe that saying ‘No’ more often is what successful people do. This may work for someone like Warren Buffet. However, you don`t have the luxury of saying no to opportunities when you haven`t made a name for yourself yet.

The first time Jillian Michaels has ever trained anybody was by pure luck. She was practicing her martial arts move in the gym when someone asked if she was a trainer. She smelled the opportunity in the air and immediately said yes, and the undecided bartender became one of America`s famous fitness experts.
Successful people know that success is like a like a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game; the more opportunities they take, the better they`ll get at what they do and, more importantly, the quicker they`ll move from obscurity to spotlight. If you believe, and use, this rule that then you`ll be successful.

The post 5 Signs You’ll Be Successful appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Monday, 11 June 2018

5 simple ways to be more productive as a photographer

Time means money in business. The more productive you and your employees (if you have any) are the higher the profit you’ll earn. This is the reason productivity becomes an important factor for a business to grow and succeed.

Unfortunately, for some photographers, increasing productiveness isn’t an easy task. There are some, who got stuck with all the distractions they encountered in their environment; and there are some who thinks that increasing productivity consists of hard work and sacrificing lots of their day-offs.

But the truth is it can be easily accomplished by following these 5 simple ways.

5 simple ways to be more productive as a photographer

1. Create a weekly schedule & group tasks by proximity

Creating a schedule is always an effective solution to keep your mind sharply-focused on the important tasks. But before you can create one, you first have to identify the tasks you needed to do for your business to grow.

These tasks include, but not limited to: maintaining your blog and social media, networking, enhancing your skill and appointments.

Once you identified all the tasks and listed it down, you have to organize it by grouping the tasks in accordance with their proximity. If you do this successfully not only you’ll achieve your goal to accomplish more and be more productive every single day; but also will help you save you time, effort and money.

2. Subtract unneeded distractions

After you created a weekly schedule, the next thing you need to do is allot time per tasks. In doing this, you have to keep in mind that the more time you spend on one task the more chance you’ll encounter distractions.

Distraction is photographer’s worst enemy. Fortunately, it can be eliminated simply by calculating the right amount of time you spend on one task. So, if you spend 5 hours in maintaining your social media before, you can change it to around 30 minutes. Just extend it depends on the number of inquiries you received per day.

3. Delegate what you can

One of the main goals of increasing productivity is to accomplish more tasks. But there are instances that no matter how productive you are, you can’t still finish every task you have on-hand.

This usually happens when your business starts to pick up popularity – you’re gaining more clients and tasks are piling up. The best thing to do is hire someone to help you.

The best way to determine who to hire is by looking at your schedule and choose the tasks that you can delegate. If most of your tasks consist of booking flights, answering clients’ inquiries or managing studio – it’s best to hire an assistant.

But if the task that consumes most of your time is editing, you can hire an affordable graphic designer.

4. Outsource beyond photo editing

Since I already mentioned the possibility of hiring an affordable graphic designer, it’s best to discuss more of it.

Everyone has a different opinion whether to outsource the photo editing task or not. For photographers who aren’t a fan of editing, they find this option as a great help. But for some, they find it as a disadvantage since they’re losing control of the image’s end result; or the possibility to enhance their editing skill.

But in our opinion, the decision whether to outsource this task or not will always depend on your needs. For example, you have photo shoot sessions every day. This means that you don’t have a lot of time to edit your images at home. So, instead of stressing yourself with the backlogs, you can simply hire someone to lighten up your load.

5. Get organized

Keeping everything organized is another effective way to increase your productivity. It will save you time from distractions and help you focus on your work.

Since most photographers start their day at their workstation, it’s just right to start on it. You can organize your workstation by identifying which of the files are important and not. Once you identified the not-so-important files, it’s best to throw it out.

Except if the files contain confidential information. It’s best to shred it first before throwing it in the trash. While for the important files, put a label on each and sort it according to its project name or date.

This is also applicable in organizing your computer files. The only difference it has is you have to back-up all your files on your computer to ensure its safety.

Increasing productivity will always be on top of everyone’s priority. But make sure to divide your time properly between your regular routine and work. Failure to do this, focusing on work purely, will result in feeling burn-out and eventually, lose interest in your business.

Don’t let this happen! Make sure to put everything in balance.

The post 5 simple ways to be more productive as a photographer appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Friday, 8 June 2018

7 Ways To Value Yourself Immediately

 The moment you value yourself, the whole world values” Harbhajan Singh To go

We live in a world where valuing the lives of others trumps cultivating nurturing and appreciating our own falls to the wayside. When it comes to having our own relationships with ourselves we can be our biggest enemy or our number one supporter.

What if I told you that you were valued and valuable?

Let’s take a moment and define value. According to the Webster Dictionary. Value defines as A person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgement of what is important in life. The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.

Would you shy away from the compliment and shrink yourself into a modest false sense of humility or would you rather be proud of all of your bruises and all. Do you hold yourself to high regard as you would other’s or cast judgement on all that you are by the world’s standards?

Personal Share

I have had my share of dimming my light to appease others. I shrunk into a little quiet hole hiding the fact that I felt my voice didn’t matter. It took inner work and self realization to realize that I am a force with a voice looking to bring impact to the world while making ME my number one priority. I placed my career relationships friendships, and Business all before myself and did not realize I was creating more chaos in my life. The most important entity was being left to slaughter.

When my mindset and priorities shifted my life became in alignment with how I wanted to feel and express myself in this world. My attention to myself became my inner guide as to what actions I should be taking. I valued everything about myself and my life began to change. I was in gratitude for the smallest of things which became much.

Is your lifestyle in alignment with how you want to feel? If not you may benefit from these 7 Ways To Value Yourself Immediately

  • Appreciate your life exactly the way it is. Right now take a moment to look at your life from the current view with complete appreciation. While setting the intention to change what you would like and remove what no longer serves you.
  • Realize that saying NO is a complete sentence. Saying NO when you need to without feeling the need to explain yourself is empowering. Practice the art of saying NO when the YES will put alter your wellbeing.
  • Cultivate healthy relationships starting with yourself. Begin to treat yourself as if you are the most valuable person in the world and without you the world would be gloomy. Take the time to connect with the earth and take long walks by yourself. Offer a thanks for your life every chance you get. Whatever you need to do to make you feel great do it. The better you treat others will reflect in the relationships you choose to partner with.
  • Set boundaries for yourself and your time. This action will keep your value system in place. Lines will not be crossed if you stand firm in the boundaries you set for yourself. You are creating a non negotiable contract with yourself that others will have to respect in order to connect with you.
  • Comparison is the thief of joy. Remember that you are the only person on this planet with your total DNA and that is your cutting edge. Appreciate all of your quirks and idiosyncrasies as your golden ticket to rock out your own style.
  • Trust yourself and all if your heart’s desires. There are no mistakes only opportunities for growth and expansion. Leverage all of your experiences and trust your intuitive guides. Let your heart lead you home.
  • Don’t settle for mediocrity. Cancel all agreements to be anything other than great. You were born with greatness inside of you. Cultivate it look within and dig up that which may lie dormant. Now is your time.

The more you value yourself you are setting the tone for others to do the same. Start now start today. The world needs your light.

What is the worst that can happen when you begin to live your best life?

Sit down with yourself and think about what’s important to you and devise a plan to begin to value all that you are.

Ask yourself about the benefits you and those who come in contact with you will receive.

I would love to hear from you while you’re living your best life.

The post 7 Ways To Value Yourself Immediately appeared first on Change your thoughts.

Wednesday, 6 June 2018

Travel to Invoke Selflessness

Why Do This?

In the age we live in today, most people are more materialistic than they may think. We take advantage of the everyday things around us such as our cell phones, our high-speed internet, our “clean” food, our abundant health-care systems, and various other things. These are just some of the things that we use, or have the opportunity to use, on a daily basis and I bet you have never thought about living life without such things.

I know many people including myself who are very materialistic and set in their ways but making a move towards being less materialistic and more selfless can add a plethora of positivity into your life. If you have the opportunity, you are encouraged to travel to less fortunate destinations, so you can experience what life could be like outside of your comfort zone.

Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Traveling to a third world country could be one of the best experiences you could take advantage of. One of the best ways to invoke self-development is to break out of your comfort zone, and what better way to do it then to be in a completely different area of the world.

We walk around with our high-tech gadgets and our expensive clothes while someone in another country is struggling to eat on a daily basis. By being able to surround yourself with this type of environment, you really start to understand what actually matters in this world.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed, but people that do A LOT of traveling tend to be some of the most humble and down to earth individuals you will come across. I believe this is due to the amount of cultural differences they have been exposed too.

Change Your Life for The Better

It took me one trip to China to make my materialistic mentality disappear. When you are surrounded by others who enjoy life without all the amenities you are used to having at home, you begin to notice how many things in your daily life are really unnecessary. You will meet someone that is simply happy to be living another day, and you will realize how unnecessary you sound when you get upset if you can’t find a Wi-Fi signal to connect too.

The key to this subject is not just being selfless when you travel, but to bring those traits back home and apply them to your daily lives. Turn your phone off for an hour and spend time with your family, go outside to enjoy the sun for fifteen minutes, exercise, or simply start that new hobby you’ve been putting off.

When you really think about it, we spend an insane amount of time on our phones or connected to another device. Personally, I could easily spend 3+ hours on my phone every day if I wanted too. That 3 hours a day equates to 12 hours a week where I could be doing anything else to benefit, not only myself, but those around me.

When you travel to a third world country, if you even have phone service, it will be spotty at best and you will have no choice but to interact with the environment around you. You’d be amazed at what, or who, we take for granted on a daily basis. Traveling is a very good way to bring those things to your attention and it will give you the opportunity to change if you so please.

Before traveling, I was entrenched in having the latest technology, expensive clothes, and the newest shoes. After doing a little bit of traveling throughout Asia, I came home a changed person. None of those things mattered to me anymore. The things that mattered most were the people around me and my goal of becoming the best version of myself.

Without travel I do not think I would have come to that realization, at least not so abruptly. Even though I wasn’t aware that selflessness could be a result of travel, that has quickly become one of the top reasons why I continue to take trips to foreign countries.

I understand most people cannot book a trip to a small city in China and live there for two weeks, but you can still achieve the same results by simply changing the environment around you. If you can’t leave your city, maybe try and volunteer at a local shelter. If you can’t leave the country, maybe travel to a nearby rural town. If you cannot travel at all, just turn your phone off for an hour a day…I promise you’ll survive.

By continuously breaking yourself out of your comfort zone and immersing yourself in environments that are new and unknown you really start to learn what life is all about and that most things we use in our daily routines are not really necessary at all. Selflessness can invoke a certain kind of happiness that cannot be purchased from a department store, it must be from experience.

A by-product of selflessness, I’ve found, has also been increased self-development. By removing a lot of the “noise” from my life I was able to really hammer down on goals that I was truly passionate about. Many people work for money, but if you are passionate about what you do the money will come.

Sometimes We Need to Reset

I know this post may come off as saying to disregard many things we are fortunate to have, but that is not what I mean in the slightest. This post is meant to demonstrate that travel can act as a sort-of reset button on your mentality and how it can bring you back down to a humble state of mind.

Once you realize what’s important, by all means utilize all the technology and gadgets you can, but I think you’ll find that you will begin to use them in different ways than you previously were.

Traveling will take you out of your comfort zone, which will cause you to expand your horizons. After this you will realize what you truly can or cannot live without, thus helping you eliminate a lot of the clutter out of your life. Once this is done you will be able to focus on important goals that may benefit more people than just yourself. So, I advise you to give traveling a try and I hope some selflessness can be gained from your experiences as well.

The post Travel to Invoke Selflessness appeared first on Change your thoughts.